My therapist legitimately gave me this recommendation:
“Maybe you should take your car, park it somewhere nice and use the hotspot on your phone to do your business.”
I think she knows this lack of quiet alone time is getting to meeeeeeeee.
We had a long conversation at my appointment this week about how I’ve worked really hard to create a life where I’m working out of where my energy flows.
The truth is, I need 6-7 hours of alone time a day to feel like myself.
I’m an internal processor. People think introverts don’t like being around people, but that’s really not always the case. I just need a lot of alone time to process what I think, how I feel, in order to give the people in my life 100%.
That’s it. That’s the bottom line.
I forget that sometimes. Then stuff like this happens where life gets out of my control and in about a month, I’m not doing so well.
In fact, put me around people long enough and all of a sudden I’ll disappear. “Where did Sandi go?”
She went to process the room. That’s all.
Because when I can’t get that alone time, I can’t process. An hour of quiet in the evenings simply isn’t enough, it’s never been enough. Not even when I was a child.
I’m not a recluse. I’m just on the far scale of introverted. Period. My husband is on the far scale of extroverted.
Honestly, I think that’s why we work.
I need lots of alone time, and he needs lots of “out there” time. We fulfill each other’s needs by simply being ourselves.
Two opposite extremes, mashed up together. Two sides of the same coin.
But once I started talking to my therapist about how much I desperately missed being alone, I began to seriously tear up.
All those past insecurities were there again. I’m “selfish” for needing to be alone so much. I’m “ridiculous” for needing to be alone so much. There’s “something wrong with me.”
But there isn’t anything wrong with me. That’s why I’ve built the life I’ve built. Because there was never anything wrong, I just have needs.
Give me my 6-7 hours a day to process and work alone and I’ll create magic for you. Give me that time and I’ll be able to give you 100% when we’re together.
But if I don’t have that time, expect me to withdraw inside myself. Because I have to process, one way or another. I’ll either check out in your presence, or check out alone.
And it’s with this knowledge I know I can operate at my fullest potential.
I’m reminded of this every time my routine is disrupted. When I can’t operate out of my energy.
It’s confirmation to myself that my life isn’t an accident. I designed it for this reason. Because I know my strengths and limitations.
It’s kind of nice to be reminded.
But for real, you may find me parked in a secluded spot today, doing my work, processing the world.
And when I come back out, I’ll be ready to share all that I’ve learned. I’ll be able to tell you exactly how I feel. I’ll be able to share a new perspective on things and how it all works together.
It’s nice to know how you work best. Because then you can give the world your best.